Friday, October 28, 2011

I am Xerxes

You might wonder why I am posting up pictures of my own hands. I just thought of recording down the random things that I do for myself. Just last week I decided to paint my nails gold. Very gold, gold! We had a bottle of gold nail polish in the office because we were doing a charity project and designing the organisation’s leaflets. One of the designers who were working on it thought of experimenting it by using nail polish to give a little touch up before presenting it to the clients and my bosses. I thought it’ll be fun to do something I’ve never done before- painting my nails gold. Haha! I thought to myself, I’ve always lived my life with routine or that sometimes it’s pretty predictable with me. If those who knows me well, like Justin, he would know what I’d say, colour that I’d choose, what I’d order at the restaurant, stuff like that. Those who know me well would expect that I’d prefer black nails than any other colour.

(Just a simple scenario) Sometimes, even in my thoughts, those who know me well, like my beloved, would know what I’d say or how I’d think. I know it sounds like I am predictable but I think it’s more than that; I think that we humans are comfortable with ourselves and what we were surrounded with all these while.
So when I painted my nails Gold for fun, doing something authentic; I thought to myself- hey my mind can do this too! A bit slow in realizing even though it’s something really common, but I got all that from the gold nails! Haha! It was fun though; painting my nails gold. At first it was weird and I had quite a few negative comments for my self too, like “eww, it looks like some trailer park woman’s nails!” My colleagues found it weird too. My beloved said I looked like Xerxes from Persia, like in the movie 300! My other colleague said I looked like a queen in gold asleep for a million years. That’s nice, like a goddess! Haha!
Eventually I grew to like it; I saw that it was more than just the colour. The colour gold was how elegant and sophisticated if I knew what to wear it with. It made my skin looked nice too like honey. And for once, I actually decided to be nice and compliment myself for a change.

Silly me, I got this all out of just nail polish! Haha!

Thursday, October 27, 2011

A treat for myself

Got this for free after buying RM40 worth of Sharpie Markers on promo!

With cute little badges too!

I should've posted up this a long time ago, but i didnt; well, i think it is not too late at all to express how the little things makes me happy. These sharpie markers really did made my day when i purchased it. It was last month, and there was a day i was feeling really down. It cheered me up and inspired me to do more with art. =) I love them so much and i cant wait to use it when i attend my next art therapy session with Eva.

Facing each other

It was really strange how i drew these two; i drew the first one because i crave freedom, but a part of me feels strangely sad, as is something i couldn't release and express.. so i drew picture two.

Monday, October 10, 2011

The "Perfect" stranger

To the man that i never offered kindly when you are on the streets,
i could've given it to you for free,
but i was silently shocked at the moment.

Now i questioned myself,
why did ignore you,
It was just a cigaratte which is all you need.
I don't pity you in fact for being frank,
I pity that the world does not understand you.

So, now you walk on the streets unaware and unguided,
you are harmless and polite.
Just your appearance in one feature in my life
made a different to me the main character.

I am breaking down my thoughts now,
you gave me the chance to understand and search.

You are a perfect stranger,
you are not lost in your world,
you are not crazy as what they would say,
you are perfect in your way.
-10th October 2011, SL.-

On Love, Integrity, Relationships

Love - "Don't pity those who love are not loved, but pity those who cannot love. Give glory to the people who can love and give out love so much unconditionally"

Integrity- Integrity means taking responsibility for your emotions & being honest with yourself while you amend the errors of the mind.

Relationship- Relationship doesn't end, they change form.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I know one day i will

I know i have not been posting much of my healing art lately, but i'm the kinda' person who also seek music to heal my soul. And i like the feeling when friends or colleagues recommend me new meaningful songs and i listen to them; if i like it and i connect with it, i know that i meant to like the band or the singer. A colleague of mine recently recommended me this band called 'Lady Antebellum', genre- folk pop. I don't usually listen to much pop, but i like contemporary adult songs to rock / metal and Jazz blues.

Ever since i was a child, i was connected to music, lyrics, poetry, etc. My mother told me that as a baby/toddler (too young to even understand words) i would cry / laugh each time my sister either sings a song with sad / happy lyrics. yes, lyrics. As if i understood it. haha! Hence, my love for music. My loving boyfriend used to ask me about my strange interest in certain songs that so happen is sung by mainstream radio friendly over-rated singers; i would tell him that strangely, i was connected more to the lyrics, the rythm rather than the singer.

Anyways, not to get diverted again... i was telling my colleague that the songs sung (especially Just a Kiss) from this band gives me the feeling of.. well if i describe the picture in my head it would be- A house, painted in white, there is calm silence, by the sea... with bright sun... the air smell of fresh ocean smell.. . Beautiful isn't it? haha! And she told me that this is what 'bliss' probably feels or look like. So, i decided to listen on to this song.. and i think it has quite a profound meaning. I would like to share it to you, my reader. Hopefully it would speak to you like how it has spoke to me about my inner-journey.Do read the lyrics. Enjoy!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Understanding By Evanescene

This video by Evanescene (An alltime favourite band/singer/song) has a profound meaning behind it in the first few parts of the lyrics (the male voice narrating). I never knew the meaning, well the mind was quite young and raw when i first heard it in college. Nonetheless, until much recently, i began to understand it bit by bit, and each time i listen to it, it unfolds a certain kind mystery of wisdom in it. It somewhat reminds me that if 'I AM a problem' then 'I AM a solution'

"Understanding (Wash It All Away)"
"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"God, please don't hate me"
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."

Monday, October 3, 2011

A relationship from within

On Saturday night, i attended a talk at Clove & Clive; a preview talk by Geraldine. I was prompted a question as well as other participants too. A question that i was never really asked before until that night- why do we need relationships?

I like the fact that i was being asked that question because i found a little wisdom in it; I have never really stop to ponder on this or check back with my intentions so that I dont find myself caught in a web of unwanted situations.

Throughout my journey, currently love, relationships and compassion has become quite an interesting topic in my phase (i call it phase / level become each time it gets harder as i learn from everyone around me as earth is my school and people are my teachers) and something i know i can begin to work on as it starts with me.


So when i was asked, the first thought that came to my mind was "to spend & share the rest of my life with someone".. but as i dwell deeper, breaking it down...another answer came in from pondering about what exactly is it that two people want from each other; hence my answer was "to fulfill each other's needs & wants".

My eyes are now opened i began to take note that this is happening in various forms of relationships such as work, families, friends, acquantainces and yes, strangers... i never noticed this before.

It began to dawn on me we are all naturally interdependant on one another, and i find that there is actually quite a beautiful act of compassion behind it. Some might disagree because the world has shaped and stereotyped for us that we should all be independant, and so individuals are trying to find various ways to fight for their independence in relationships, countries, etc.. But what if for once we change the way we see things? What if we try to see interdependence as a beautiful act of compassion instead of something that is struggled to obtain or acquire... another ponder; what is compassion?

The word compassion is commonly used, yet there is quite a profound meaning behind it which i think many have not realised it. Words are just words after all, but it is in the act that brings out the meaning of the word itself. I learned that the word compassion means "common passion". And so, it is easier said than done, but i find that not many, even myself, are able to practice it unless until we fully understand the act of unconditional love by understanding that you do not want the other person (enemy or friend) to suffer the same conditions or consequences because you have experienced it before.

Again these are just my thoughts and my opinions...