Changes

I've finally moved back to my old place in the office. Feels new, feels fresh and as strange as it sounds, it is actually the same place as before. All it took was just a month and a half's renovation for that "new" atmosphere.

It's amazing how much change can affect a person; how it can make a difference to us in such small simple ways.

Change is good. Sometimes change is bad too. But that's common to many, that is how we were programmed to think or feel. Perhaps it is because it requires us to move out of our comfort zone, out of our "ordinary" instead of the usual. Yet we are such complicated creatures because when we have the "usuals" we complain about our lives being a routine, a ritual, mundane etc. and yet at the same time, we want...well...'change' in a way. And no matter how much the universe grants us that change to spare us the boredom of life, yet we complicated creatures like to find nitty gritty stuff to pick on it. We can never be satisfied and grateful for something that comes along our way, no matter how much good we can get out of it. Because of that, we end up telling everyone we know the "down-swings" in our lives...

I may be able to relate if someone were to complain about change. I was once there too. Strange though as whenever I share about my past experiences, I feel as if i am sharing someone's else's tale. I guess I have already learned to embrace this idea of 'Change'. It happens to me everyday in my life, and i'm sure it has too with everyone else's.

Anyways, I love my new office. Its kinda' nice, cozy, and modern with the "studio" feel. I like my desk, where I sit- again its cozy cos its a corner. I like the tranquilizing white coloured table, the pink book-end, my purple pillow, computer given by my kind boss, and the little miniatures I stuck onto the phone!

Envy is a never ending game

Ever browse through a friend's Facebook photos, and thought to yourself 'how nice, so many of them are now happily exploring the world..' or 'oh getting married huh? hmm...' or 'Wow a glamorous job?'

I have to admit, whenever I learn about this or that friend getting married, or travelling to a country I've always wanted to visit, or earning more than me...I envy too. At one time, I can say that I always wish I was in their shoes, doing what they do, earning the same whack load of money they are earning, etc.

The list goes on...

Exactly! If i were to write down the number of things I wish for based on my envies on others, the list would definitely go on and one and on...

I came to a realization sometime ago that there's only so much I can wish for. I thought at first its okay to wish; everyone wishes, yes. But I didn't realize that I was turning into a 'green-with-envy monster'... and slowly, I ended up forgetting my Self, and then comes the anxiety, misery, etc.

Yesterday I learned something very interesting about the mind; i knew about this already but after listening to a podcast about inner-work, whatever it is reminded me that 'Envy' is just another part of my mine- along with angry, sad, happy, etc.

Today, I understand why I envied others; for instance, a friend's good fortune in earning a lot. Like many, I was taught since young that when I grow up, it was important that I earn a living. If possible, I must earn a lot! hence, study hard to get a job that pays well. Basically the whole point of studying because you enjoy, and working the job you love was forgotten. And we were also taught to find a suitor that is rich (again, the part about building a loving relationship, etc was left out)... the 'list' goes on.

What happened after that? Our minds stored those data (hence the term 'brainwash') and we kept it in our dusty filing cabinet; unconsciously it became part of our lives (same goes for anything hurtful that happened in the past). We go on with our lives with that data stored in our heads, which influenced our actions. 

When we envy others, it is not our fault; for it is only part of the data that (did not come along with our minds) was 'input' into our minds (think USB drive).

I want to thank G for sharing the podcast on Divine Women Sanctuary group page- though the audio was about relationships and its mirrors, but I received another divine message from it instead. Thank you.

Arising

I want to step out,

I want to preach,

I don’t want this game no more.

I want to draw, draw, draw,

I want to paint, paint, paint,

I want to sing and dance,

Til’ my heart skip abeat.

Where am I?

Who am I?

Am I peeking or peak-ing?

When I love I am there,

When I close my eyes,

I am there…

Removing masks after masks,

Removing glass after glass,

Arising,

Going down and up again…

It is okay,

Cos’ I am here.

-SL. 16.01.13-

How to Doubt the Doubted

At work I am often delegated with write up assignments every time there is an event or an awarding occasion. I have to write at least 3 write ups in total for one assignment, and so someone* said, with the amount of effort put in into each write up, at the end of the day, no one actually stops to read it. A thought came up, I am aware of each word that is coming out of that person's mouth. For that split second, I am aware because I am also able to relate; I once thought that way too. That sense of doubt was very familiar to me, and sorta' like a reminder to me- I was shaken up again to remember I write because I enjoy it. Not because I want others to read it, but because writing allows me to express myself in words.

My reply to that person was "Yes, I understand." I said it with a smile. A little annoyed but I brushed it off, because I was in that shoes too. I am thankful for being in that shoes because it took me that experience to learn how to appreciate my own work. 

For some time, I could not understand why no one appreciated my work alongside with thinking that I am no good in everything. And that fear almost stopped me in my life from doing anything I love, or thinking I am able to. I felt weak. Unable to write, draw, craft, etc. because the core was negativity- I thought i was not good enough. Little did I know was that I was hitting myself hard with the hammer- my phantom evil hands pushing myself down every time I rise up.

Like I said to my beloved yesterday when we were reminiscing back about college days, "I wish back then I knew what I know now- I would have overcome many things in life." but better to experience than to wish, because I've already moved forward.

Coming back to the story, I have learned to embraced the idea that I write for Love. I write because it is fun. Personally, I think that if everyone else continues to see things this way, doing it for themselves rather for others to notice- I am pretty sure everyone else would enjoy their work and soar high for their dreams to come true. The only magic you and I need is just a little of self-believing. Stop doing it for others, do it for yourself.

Now not Time

Time,

This is strange.

How little we learn,

How fast it travels.

Today I am here,

And then, tomorrow arrives,

But I skip today,

And it is yesterday’s once more.

This game goes on,

What is the secret? I asked…

For I have grown weary.

In the constellations,

Time was assumed to be learned.

Time was precious,

But Time travels fast,

And time cannot change yesterday or tomorrow.

I have answers, finally!

For today, NOW is my answer.

Not time, not yesterday, not tomorrow.

-SL. 9.1.13-

Simplicity makes complex

With another new year just rolled in, another calling for me to make necessary changes.

I have renewed this whole website's look. After doing a lot of research, and testing a number of free blog templates, I finally thought that I should give myself some time off from it and just keep it simple. I told myself that even though I might receive comments about my website not being "creative or colourful" enough, I will tell myself that it is okay because I finally realized that is not how my website looks, but the content instead that speaks from my heart.

Perhaps I should apply that to The Artsy Craftsy's template; which is currently going through another round of revamp (again). I should just go with my heart and call out the colour that calls out to me.

2012 was not only a year of expansion for The Artsy Craftsy, but also, after seeking out for collaborations and attempting to organize contests and give away while partnering with sponsors, I have come to realized that perhaps I need to take a look at my goals once more for the blog. I need to reconsider again my plans for the blog and what I plan to achieve or what I want out of it. Most of all- my intentions.

Perhaps I have gone astray with the blog; but it is okay, as I need the experience to get where I am now. Perhaps I need it to remember my roots, my one true purpose of blogging in the first place through the voice of The Artsy Craftsy. Perhaps it was only through this that at that time, that was when abundance flowed in...

perhaps I needed a reminder.

And I thank the universe for that reminder.